"No Excuse" Sunday

Here are some ideas your church might use to address those "christians" that somehow can't make it to the house of God, but have no trouble at all getting to work, Wal-Mart, the grocery store, McDonald's, the ball field, etc.

1. Cots will be available for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."
2. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in, if I ever come to church."
3. Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who think the church is too hot.
4. There are hearing aids for those who think the preacher speaks too softly and cotton for those who think he preaches too loudly.
5. Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. (I especially like this one; I thought hypocrites could be found in almost any place one would visit, not just churches?!?! I wouldn't let a hypocrite keep me from hearing the Gospel and giving me the opportunity to get saved and miss Hell!!!)
6. Relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
7. There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner also.
8. One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to see God in nature.
9. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.